"Why do words fail me? I'm a writer. Why can't I write a few simple lines to update my website?" I took it down for maintenance, and the way things were going it was likely to stay down for good.
But I was heading for a gold medal in procrastination, should it be included in the Olympic Games in time.
I stared at the screen, made too many cups coffee, closed my laptop, and posted on social media instead.
I flicked through my promo pictures, but they were all taken ages ago, before the pandemic, and it was a completely different person staring back at me. So I went and practiced instead.
I started typing words, but they felt wrong, so I deleted them again, closed my laptop and considered doing the washing up.
The problem is - the world is upside down and I'm figuring out who I am in it, and working out an alternative route to my destination.
I've been defining myself as a live performer, but obviously, in a pandemic world that has become kind of extinct.But, as Picasso said, "When you run out of red, use blue."
And I've never fitted into a box anyway - let alone in a neat paragraph or two.
The good thing is, I get to try something new. The bad thing is, it's uncharted territory, and my learning process is a public one.
But you have to start, even if it’s a messy start. You have to leap, even though you’re scared.
Step 1: Revive my YouTube channel. Step 2: Revive my website, to document and share the journey of my leap. The falling on my face, the getting back up again and again - and hopefully, eventually, a somewhat graceful landing.